There are two essential phrases that can be attributed to Kim Cattrall (not Samantha Jones, she’s got loads, but Cattrall herself). One of them is: “Yama kippi yay bo / Sedda rayfa kayba / In dog Latin he quoth / You jay safa sou-RAY!” And the other, more well-known perhaps, is what she said in a 2019 interview with the Guardian: “I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself.”
The latter still regularly does the rounds online, and is often shortened to “I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour” (which, fair: who wants to be in a situation?). But the more I look at the quote, and the older I get, the more something dawns on me, which is this: she’s right. She’s been right all along. Why am I saying yes to things, when really I want to say no? And why have I so often persisted with activities when they’re not fun or even satisfying? “I want to choose who I spend time with personally and professionally. It’s my life,” Cattrall went on to say. “There’s only so much time left.”
I could have done with this advice earlier on. If I’d listened, maybe I wouldn’t have stayed at that guy’s house with the skate ramps instead of kitchen counters. Or maybe I wouldn’t have spent those five hours at a pub in Pimlico – Pimlico – earlier this year with a group of casual acquaintances at best. I probably wouldn’t have spent all that money on mid-tier nights out when I could have been at home, watching Housewives – and vice versa. If I close my eyes, I can see a funhouse mirror of various scenarios in which I could have left earlier, or never gone at all.
But look, regrets aren’t always useful. And in the new year, I’m going to be following in the steps of Cattrall and only doing things that bring me joy. This doesn’t mean non-stop hedonism – I have a full-time job and don’t intend on giving myself gout – but, rather, just knowing my limits and preferences and paying closer attention to them. This might look like not saying yes to a group trip that I can neither afford nor am interested by. Or it might mean ordering a pancake stack from Creams at 10pm and then eating it in bed with my old friend, TikTok. The point is that so often we’re led by obligation or expectation when really we should be led by our own whims and predilections. Or, to paraphrase Cattrall: Yolo.
