It keeps the conversation going, whilst reminding yourself and others to respect your boundaries. If you also find yourself in a heated debate with any friends or family, ensure it is always a two-way conversation, listen to them, and ensure they do the same for you. If they don’t, calmly say: “I am sorry but you are interrupting me and what I want to say is important to me. I have listened to you and I would appreciate it if you could do the same.”
It’s all about respect, so keep you cool, breathe, and never raise your voice. You might never find common ground in these situations, but you can start to alter their opinions or at least give them something to think about. After all, it is the season for giving and receiving. You might even receive new information which gives you a greater understanding of them or the world.
Look after your social battery without burning out
Instead of thinking of yourself as an introvert or extrovert and planning your social calendar accordingly, think about yourself as an individual. What kinds of social situations or specific people drain or charge your social battery? Once you do that, you can start planning your energy and plans accordingly.
If, for instance, you find the office Christmas party draining, block out some ‘social black-out periods’ the day or night before so you are charged up and ready to face it. Or, if you are filling your calendar with seeing every single acquaintance and not the friends who really fuel you, politely cancel them and see the people that really give you life instead.
Socialising at this time is a marathon not a sprint, and if you start looking after your energy you will not only have the energy for the things that give you life, you will have energy to face the things that can drain you too (like Aunt Shirley’s annual and compulsory mulled wine soirée) and not feel like you are having a social comedown afterwards.
There is an art to cancelling
If you didn’t have the heart to say no when you were first asked to do something, don’t beat yourself up. Cancel it but be honest; don’t fabricate an elaborate excuse. Instead, say: “I am really sorry to cancel but I am worn out.” We need to normalise having conversations about exhaustion and respect people’s social batteries and boundaries.
Your friends will prefer that you show up as your full amazing self, not a husk of a person they have to drag through the social occasion. But don’t start cancelling just because it’s easier than showing up, be honest with yourself, too. If you aren’t an incubus of viral plague or socially exhausted: go. You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, it could be the greatest gift you give to yourself this year. You never know who you are going to meet.
How to exit the chat without causing a scene or ending up on the naughty list
Raise your hand if you live in fear of getting out of a conversation? It can feel like navigating the minefield of Boxing Day sales, but it doesn’t need to be. If you are at a party and the conversation you are having has run its, course say: “It’s been so great speaking with you, I loved hearing about *enter something memorable from your conversation so it shows you were listening* but I promised myself I would speak to two other people tonight”. Or add onto the end: “I need to go but I just need to say hi to the host first.” That way, you can gracefully leave the conversation with zero guilt and leave a lasting, positive impression. Just don’t ever say “I am going to go now,” and still be at the party two hours later.
Put your phone away: gift people your face and your time, not your screen time
Take your phone off the table. Even if it’s turned over, it tells the people around you “I am more interested in my phone and my life outside of this conversation than the conversation happening in front of me.”
